It’s been a bit lonely lately, learning to embrace a writer’s life.
Writing for me is about 80% thinking, and 20% writing.
I’m alone a lot.
I have also been wrestling with a friendship where I continually walk in-between brave & terrified. God keeps telling me to explore the boundaries in this friendship, and he also told me I WILL cross the boundaries. I don’t understand why He did that. He’s not concerned about it in the least, and I’m paralyzed with fear.
What if I let someone down?
What if I do something awful?
What if I hurt someone I love?
It’s not super effective to be an explorer while being paralyzed.
So yesterday God provided the comfort of a friend in a beautiful way. And I received God’s love through human eyes. It was like solid gold. I was strong all day.
I don’t think we realize how powerful we are. Those eyes can be portals for eternity.
God showed me during the night that I’m limiting Him by playing it safe with people. I want His Love to come directly from Him because, unlike humans, I can trust Him and He’s (mostly) safe. But He wants to love me through lots of things and lots of people.
He wants me to actually need people, to need friendship. Risky Business, indeed.
I’ve been alone in friendship and awesome with God meeting every need. As I’ve been growing strong with God, I’ve actually been growing pretty weak in relating with people, like surviving for years in a cave. You don’t know how to return to normal life once you get out.
It’s okay that there’s a bit of an adjustment.
And get this…He wrapped Himself in human flesh to offer Himself to us. He did it thousands of years ago, and He’s still doing it today. How cool is that?
I’ve been grieving lost friendship, and I drew a white chalk line around a great friend, and was insisting that my next friend fit in that chalk line.
Instead God put human skin and eyes around His love, and it looks nothing like the old friend. But God was there, looking at me, actually loving me, providing strength and comfort for me, through a human.
I think we’re going to be okay.