Standing in a field knowing nothing, struck dumb.
Empty. Afraid. Completely Alive. Eager. Looking.
God I don’t want to miss a thing. Please. God please don’t let me miss a thing. It’s all I’ve got right now.
Watching a dark mountain slip across the sky, lead by an optimistic giant with a green thumb.
I’ve never seen anything like this before.
I’ve never lived anything like this before.
Watching it all. Feeling It All.
For once, thank you god for the depths in me. Push those caverns open so this has somewhere to go. I can feel it all. I can feel it as my fallible traitorous paper-thin waterproof skin rips and tears and peels back. I let it in. My body is thankful for the air, thankful to be free from my suffocating skin. Protection: thanks, but not right now. You’re blocking the power of the storm. I pull my skin back from the top of my head, and step out of it like a wet suit, leaving it in a pile behind me in the grass.
I need more air.
I need more.
Thank god the storm can enter unhindered. I want to feel it all for as long as I can. Is it okay to feel this alive? Is it okay to feel so deeply? Is it okay to need this much?
The enormous dark rock reveals beauty in moments. Nothing lingers here but us. It’s all fast and gone and invisible the moment it lit up. I wait for more. How ’bout we climb that pole and kick out the light. The mystery of visible heat and shock waves. Positive and negative charges create new paths. Protons and Electrons go wherever the hell they want, hotter than the sun and faster than flight. Light would kick lightening’s ass in the quarter-mile. I wait for more.
Zigzag lines of brilliant light push the curtain aside, just a bit, so we can peek at the water streaking down. Is that rain? How is that possible? How is any of this possible? This floating mountain. This giant. Is he moving? How are negative and positive charges seeking out one another? Why are they trying to find a new path? What the hell is going on inside this cloud? What the hell is going on inside of me?
I used to be able to watch a storm without forcing it inside of me. I’m becoming a storm.
Is that okay?
Can I just live one fucking day without asking that question. Please.
I want to stand here, silent and not making any mistakes, a little bit longer, or maybe forever.
Watching something amazing is easier than becoming something amazing.