big love

God seems to be removing the boundaries and pushing/pulling me into a daunting space called friendship. Well, sometimes he calls it “friendship” and sometimes he calls it “love.” They are synonyms, I believe.

He’s showing me this immensely gigantic space that keeps expanding. It’s floaty and ethereal, kinda like a cloud.

It’s Love.

And down in the bottom left corner, there’s this little circle, about the size of a quarter, and it’s Romance.

How much of my life have I spent listening to music, crying alone, driving fast, driving slow, masturbating, looking for cool places, dreaming of glances and dances and steamy sex, feeling sexy, feeling unsexy, longing, longing, longing so much I experience physical pain and all for an experience the size of a quarter.

Clearly that dream runs deep. It’s in my blood and bones and for all we know could have originated in another dimension.

But also I’ve been missing the cloud. I’ve desired the quarter so strongly because I’m also not experiencing the cloud.

I don’t think I’d notice the small hole as profoundly had I believed in the greatness of Love.

I’m not ignoring Romance.

I’m just going to focus on Big Love, and not so much on Small Love.


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