growing human beans

Unhealed women often parent out of fear and control.

We just can’t help it.

We know we’re lost, we know we’re inadequate, and along comes this beautiful, tiny human bean, and we begin wrapping our hearts around him or her. We were hoping a man would complete us, but we realize we were mistaken, and while romance is fleeting, a baby is forever!

Wait.

A baby is forever?

Nope.

But if you hang around certain moms, you’d think so.

Some children are referred to as “My Baby” long into the college years…

“You’ll always be my baby” is not true and not helpful.

You can REMEMBER your baby forever, that’s okay, But you can’t have a baby forever. It’s not good for anyone.

A parent’s job is to provide a safe, nurturing space where children can grow, explore, develop, absorb love, a sense of an adequate-self and a sense of their place within community.

Children learn how to live in the context of a family. They learn they are NOT the center of the universe. Unless someone in their family makes them the center of their universe, and then they have to learn that somewhere else. Typically, if they couldn’t learn this very important lesson early in life, they have to learn it much more painfully as an adult. If they don’t want to learn this important lesson later, their adult partner will either teach them, leave them, or feel forced to allow their immature partner to control their universe.

Parents: it’s okay that we feel longing to be a child’s center. It’s a nice place to be for a while. But eventually, we need to admit that by putting our needs ahead of theirs, we’re prolonging their immaturity, which makes their child-sized normal lessons, adult-sized, more painful lessons.

Please learn to let go as they grow.

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